Accountability

is defined by Merriam-Webster as  the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions <public officials lacking accountability>. 

I have a strong sense of accountability except where food is involved. I have fabulous intentions of planning out daily intake and  exercise and recording it into my Sparks People (SP) account  "Plan the day and eat the plan". 

I set out every day with this my goal. I seem to find it all goes great , the engine leaves the round house and starts down the track with lots of energy and positive thoughts for the day.

 Breakfast for reasons I haven't figured out yet is when I get derailed. Once derailed that seems to be the moment I unconsciously give myself permission to jump tracks and just see where I end up.  

I have a thought on this and wonder if once food hit's the taste buds my brain gets its fix, and just wants to  bask in the glow of  calories all day.

 So I need to work on changing my brain to find pleasure in other things. Like getting the train back on the tracks  and accomplishing the tasks on that track.   Perhaps its needs to be an express train with no stops leaving no opportunity for derailment. 

 I do think that's probably not a realistic thought as in life there are always derailments, probably best to plan for them. Since I was  born under the sign of Aquarius and with an artist brain I am doomed as what I need is discipline and what I have to work with is more a rebel at its core.  

Since I seem to be finding myself saying more and more to patients "write on a file card your plan for whatever our topic. I should listen to the words that come out of my mouth.  I should pull out my own file cards and write some things that are fun for me while also being  battery recharging, and endorphin creating.

  I will do some research and see what I can discover about myself and what will work. 

A friend and I were talking about safe place's and I commented that I never had one. Later in the week I went back in and told her I do have a safe place. It's within myself. I thought about where do I go when upset. I tend to get quiet,turn inward.  I might go to my bedroom lay down and perhaps have a good cry. I often find myself using a lot of mostly positive self talk( I am a work in process, cant change it all at once.)  a lot of prayer, and looking to my faith to help guide me.  Certainly I used food too but I know that is not healthy.  Since I have been on this journey  I am making much healthier choices even when derailed......that in itself is progress.