Never thought I would say this

in a million years.   I went back to exercise class today. and actually found that the 40 minutes passed very quickly, with minimal creaking of the joints and objection from my muscles. Still no endorphin high but cant have everything now can I.

 Apparently shedding some weight has made a difference. Who would have thought that, certainly not I. Kind of funny when I think about it.  Duh moment. Of course it should make a difference less weight, less stress on the body organs and joints.   Guess I was in what you call Denial.

 We did a fast 3 mile Leslie Sansone walking tape.  We started doing this class about 2 yrs ago. The participants have come and gone as the time has passed. We usually meet in one of the conference rooms that have been cleared for exercise after work.  Pop a tape in the DVD and away we go. Sometimes we  did a Taebo tape, once we did a Dancing with the Stars tape but too may steps to learn. Richard Simmons has entertained us several times when someone brought in a few of his tapes.

My usual comment was at the one mile mark, I would say " Just leave me where I drop" " Feel free to step over or around me, please no CPR, I have no regrets in life.. " Once the Taebo tape started with a 6 lap around the room jog.  My mantra was " are you guys trying to kill me. "  You see I was probably the heaviest person in the exercise class.  So I was moving some bulk around that room. Thus your trying to kill me comments. of course we all know it was just in jest cause I do like to make people laugh.

I am not sure that I am ready for the Taebo tape yet. Here is why-  a little back ground first, the lap band has a port attached to it, so it can be filled with small amounts of saline, first weekly x 6, then monthly. At some point the "fills" stop and then my understanding is if I reach a plauteau and my weight loss stops, before I am at goal.  I can have another fill. Of course that would be after I have upgraded to another level of exercise.  Something to look forward too.....not so much-giggle.  On with the story

  I am a little worried about some of the bending exercises of the Taebo tape because of this port. I know there is nothing I can do to damage it. I should really just get over the mental concern and do a tape and see what happens.

 How do I know I cant do any damage to it?  Well.... I got so excited about a pair of jeans I haven't worn for years that I wore them to the range for a morning of target practice with my Sig Sauer Mosquito with the fuchsia handle. One of the things we do is" police our brass" (pick up the empty shells that exit the firearm after you shoot a round) when we are done. I went to bend over and found the jeans to be pretty tight at the waist, to the point actually where I couldn't bend over so I got creative and did some lunge type movement to pick up my brass. Exercise right?  Feel free to laugh cause it had to have looked pretty comical for anyone watching. Then the thought occurred to me. Oh crap the port !!!!! hope I didn't do any damage to it. It was pretty tender for a day or two after . I will say from time to time I do feel some tenderness, so at my next "fill" I asked the surgeon, leaving out my story of course" He said no its to deep for me to do any damage.  Phew.   I will update you on the result of the Taebo experience once I do it. 

Thanks for reading.


Spoiler Alert:

 if your faint of heart or hate pictures of medical type stuff- close your eyes now. Or hit the scroll button and scroll really fast past these pictures.  Seemed easier just to post a couple of pictures so you know what I am talking about.    Here goes:  Thanks to Google Images for these pictures and the web sites they lead to, which I did not explore. .

New Party Tricks.

Here is where I really put my self out there on that limb I so often find myself hanging off. You would think I was a risk taker but really I am not.  I just think periodically  the inner skinny person gets control and says "Oh heck just go for it" while the fat person sits in the back ground shaking and eyes closed cause she is certain this wont end well. LOL

. I say inner skinny person cause when I got my adoption info the description of me was "2 weeks premature, 4 lbs, 4 0z with small features and china doll appearance, named Wendy"  " Who was orignally checked out by the Lund Home's staff psychiatrist before being sent to the local hospital" I am not sure why being checked out by a psychatirst first and not a ob/gyn doc strikes me as so funny but it does. I kinda like not following the traditional rules as they say. Perhaps that explains my occasional bending of rules but never breaking them.  Certainly now I know why I am usually early for everything...some things just never change no matter how old you get.

There are a lot of things that people with normal body weight don't give a second thought about doing. They perhaps take for granted they can easily do normal everyday things with ease. I am sure if I was of normal weight I would be the same way.

Reality is I am not, so there are things that I have to think about, like walking into a room and seeking out the chair that will hold me or is at least armless.  If there is none, then I need to figure a reason why I am still standing up when someone says here is a chair. Perhaps its best to sit on the floor. How do you explain that with out saying, " I am just to afraid to sit in your chair cause if it breaks under my weight, I will feel horrible and my already low self esteem will take a huge beating even if you the owner don't even care that the chair is broken."  Even the really small rest room stalls can be a challenge.

 How about bending over to tie your shoes. Um not with any grace. It ends up being what can I put my foot on to get it closer to my arms cause I cant reach that far around all this insulation, that would be fabulous if I lived in the ocean or perhaps Alaska but not so much here.

 Ever pulled up to a gas pump, leaned down to pull the gas cap opener then getting out of the car. Sure you say.  My response, I have to get out of the car, turn around pull the gas cap lever then proceed with the task at hand.

 How about going out to dinner or a buffet and thinking "oh I bet they are saying look at the fat person who ordered dessert, or look at how full her plate is, or I wonder how much food she will put on her plate.  Don't tell me you haven't ever had that thought, cause from time to time, even I have had that thought.

 How about going shopping with all your ideal body weight family or friends, spend a day at the mall. They want to spend 3 hrs looking at clothes in a store that the only thing you could possibly wear is earring, bracelet or socks. Since you love them and are interested in spending time with them, you spend the 3 hours helping them decide what they want and even though there might be a tiny moment or two of  feeling bored or my famous feeling left out,( yes that's the broken thinking I have lived with all my life,  yes now I know why, simply a different gene pool,what a liberating feeling, like an orange growing up with apples,  Never guessed it would be that, pretty much convinced myself over the years  I was just crazy and an odd duck,) you have a good time.

I could go on for hours and hours with all the different things but lets face it you the reader would be bored and I the typist would have carpel tunnel. I am sure if you use your imagination you can think of a few.

So when I say I have a new "Party Trick" it refers to the things I can now do after some weight loss that I couldn't do before. Like sitting in a chair bending down and tying my shoes, or giving myself a pedicure.  I can  put my leg up into my lap, yes I am even starting to have a very tiny tiny lap.   I can reach down and pull the lever for the gas cap.

I notice I am walking a little faster. Still get short of breath but I might just have to chalk that up to my asthma, give in and use my inhaler pre exercise.  I can climb a flight of stairs and still able to talk at the top.  :-)    

So those days when I am hungry and want to eat everything in sight. I take a moment to be mindful of all the positives and ask myself do I really need those extra calories.

Lets now go a little further out on the limb. I am ashamed to admit there was a time I thought that gastric bypass and lap band surgery were really a cheat or easy way to loose wt.  Well I was wrong.seeking forgiveness, that thinking was a mistake. I now know that these surgery's are simply tools used to assist behavior modification in making the appropriate changes for success. Its very clear that if you dont do the behavior modification and change ways of thinking and dealing with food, you wont lose an ounce. Well maybe one ounce but surely not two.

Thanks for reading...........

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Support

often comes from the people you least expect to be supportive.Such a wonderful surprise.  On the other hand the people you feel might be supportive, a cheerleader, because they love you, often just don't get it.

 *  Here is the conversation that took place today. . I was visiting with a family member  who said to me" How much weight have you lost"?.. I told her "30 something pounds" I am trying not to focus on numbers. Just being healthy.  She asked " how many lbs a week I was losing"?. I reply-ed" about 2 lbs a week".  She said "oh my no you really should be losing 5 lbs a week!  After all I did when I was on weight watchers". Thanks Mom your kind supportive words, means a lot.

I am blessed as I have a lot of friends and family that are very supportive Thank you, Thank you. . I know Mom is too in her own way i just wish she wasn't so focused on the numbers.

Exercise- I will admit that I get swept in the self talk telling myself  I have to much work to do or that I have  various aches or pains, some reason why it really isn't a good idea to exercise. My inner voice however is more persuasive as a result I exercise.I will give voice to the fact that yes once its over i am glad I did the workout..  I have it all planned out on paper. 3 days of strength training and 3 days of Cardio leaving me one glorious day off a week.

What I want to know is what do I have to do to get the endorphin high that everybody tells me you get from exercise. I have yet to feel anything other than sweaty, hot, with my achy muscles telling me that they are not happy with my behavior. The muscles usually have the gall to keep telling me for hours after I have completed a work out.  I do wonder if perhaps I need to experience a high of some kind to recognize what I should be feeling, this elusive endorphin high.I keep hoping with each workout it will get easier. So far that would be a no.

My favorite exercise is water jogging. I actually thought it was something I just kind of made up cause my knees are happy with out the effect of gravity. I went to log in exercise on (the web site that must not be named) and it was there. So I typed it into Google to see what their interpretation was cause I wanted to see if my idea matched with others. I wore ankle weights in the water(of course said weights were not approved for water), they were wrist weights I put around my ankles. After a little while the stuff inside that gave the weight started to leak rust, thinking that wasn't such a great thing for the weights or the pool, I gave the weights my thanks and put them to rest. When I did the Google search they showed a person jogging in the water with no weights. Guess that means they are not necessary. Yea.

Thanks for reading.......